Ma’s way with words (part 1)

Ma’s always had a way with words.  She was a reader and great doer of crosswords.  If she had a spare moment her nose would be stuck in a book.  Growing up she’d have us kids confused or in stitches with her various sayings.

I had curly hair as a kid and whenever I was naughty, which was quite often, Ma would start reciting, “There was a little girl, that had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.  When she was good, she was very very good… And when she was bad she was horrid!”.  This would always make me cranky!!!  If we pulled a face we were told if the wind changed our faces would stay like that  (I was always afraid of that one).

One of my favourites was, “up in nanny’s room behind the clock”, which she used whenever we wanted to know the location of something that she didn’t want us to know.  If she didn’t want us to know where she was going… or was just being contrary, she’d respond with “I’m going there and back again to see how far it is.”  There was also the “wigwam for a goose’s bridle” in response to us asking what something was… again used if it was something she didn’t want us to know.

Kids being kids, we were always getting into things we shouldn’t and Ma was always finding us out to our complete astonishment (us thinking we were so clever).  When we asked how she knew, she’d always tell us, “because I’ve got eyes in the back of my head”.  My sister one day decided to find out whether this was true and checked the back of Ma’s head very thoroughly.  I think she was very disappointed when she couldn’t find anything. If we were being particularly painful (which was probably often) and asking why?… but why?… why? She’d respond with, “because ‘Y’ is a crooked letter and you can’t straighten it!”

If Ma was making a phone call to somebody she knew well she’d announce herself with: “It’s only me from over the sea’, said Barnacle Bill the sailor” or “is that you, because this is me” followed by a laugh.  To describe somebody who was very happy, she’d say they were “as happy as Larry”… I never did find out who Larry was or  “Billy Johnson’s black pig” for that matter.

I always remember Ma reciting a rhyme about Thor, “The Thunder God went for a ride, upon his favourite filly.  “I’m Thor!”, he cried. The horse replied, “You forgot your thaddle, thilly!”  This would cause me untold glee.

But my favourite saying of hers would have to be “better an empty house than a bad tenant!” in response to a belch… or we’d get, “beg your pardon Mrs Arden, there’s a chicken in your garden”.

I know this is about Ma but I couldn’t not write about my Aunty, who we always thought was the very epitome of a lady, describing somebody as the ‘town bicycle’! (I’ll let you work it out).

These sayings I treasure because they remind me of Ma and my childhood.  She still uses some of them to this day.  I thought I’d make an attempt to capture them before they get lost.  She has also coined a few new ones in recent times which I’ll cover in Part two.


Kedgeree recipe

Ma and I have been making Kedgeree every Good Friday for a number of years.  For weeks before Easter she’d be checking for the cheapest smoked cod  (smoked haddock was a luxury and rarely if ever found at a supermarket).  Finally it would be bought and placed on the freezer until Good Friday.  This year Ma was 20160325_172924fixated on the smoked fish.  Once I had bought it, it was all about when we were going to cook it.

(Kedgeree is thought to have originated in India brought back to the United Kingdom by returning British colonials and is listed as early as 1790.)


2 tablespoons of olive or vegetable oil
1 medium size onion, chopped
1 teaspoon curry powder (I add more)
1 cup of long grain rice (I use Basmati)
3 1/2 cups water (3 for rice; 1/2 for fish)
750g smoked gemfish, haddock or cod (we use cod)
3/4 cup milk
40g butter
3 hard boiled eggs; 2 roughly chopped, 1 sliced
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon chopped parsley

Heat the oil in a large saucepan over a moderate heat and gently fry the onion until soft.  Stir in the curry powder, and the rice and mix well.  Pour in 3 cups of the water and cook at a simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes.  If the rice gets too dry too fast, turn down the heat and add a little hot water. (It always takes me more than 15 minutes)

Meanwhile, put the smoked fish, the milk and 1/2 cup of water into a large frying pan over a moderate heat.  Bring to a boil and simmer for 2 minutes (I do more as I like to see the fish flaking).  Drain, peel off the skin and discard, along with any remaining bones.  Break the fish into large flakes.

As soon as the rice has absorbed all the water and is tender (I taste test), add the flaked fish, butter, chopped egg, and the pepper.  Stir well.  Garnish with parsley and the sliced egg.


The Ma I used to know

As Mother’s Day approaches I’m reminded of what I’ve lost, and found in my own Ma.  Looking back over the years I look at what we’ve shared together. We were like two peas in a pod.  We loved to go walking together until her arthritis won and walking became too difficult and painful.  She would teach me the names of the different flowers that crossed our paths and from this I developed a love for gardening.

Growing up I wasn’t interested in cooking.  I didn’t bother as the rest of the family were good cooks so I didn’t consider it necessary.  When the family get togethers stopped, as people went their separate ways and got caught up in their own families, I started to take an interest.  Dad, who was a baker by trade, and I would make Easter buns from scratch every year.  I haven’t done this since he passed away.

As my parents aged I took over more and more of the cooking and started collecting cookbooks and hoarding dozens of pull outs from magazines.  Ma and I would pour over the recipe books discussing the merits of recipes and what we were going to cook.

Recipe books are still something we share together.  Ma can’t operate the stove and can no longer remember where any of the ingredients are kept but she can still sit at the table and help me cut things up.  She can roll a mean Lamington in the coconut and help me with sausage rolls.  We taste test and argue about what needs to be added.  Her secret ingredient is Sweet Chilli Sauce for anything that just doesn’t taste like it should. It works!  She has trouble knowing how to cut some things up and can no longer remember her tried and true recipes.  I’m so glad I took it on myself to write my favourites out a long time ago, some of which I’ve shared on here.

We were cutting up onion and garlic the other day and I used the flat of the knife to crush the garlic so the skin would flake off, this was something she taught me many years ago.  She told me she’d have to remember that trick for next time.  That’s when you feel sad, sad for what she’s lost.

My Ma is a wonderful cook. Over the years I think she has managed to create a jam, pickle or relish out of any ingredient you care to name.  The big saucepan was always bubbling away on the stove emitting odours of vinegar or the sweetness of sugar.  Those jars were sold to raise money for various local charities.  I now make Ma’s famous Tomato Relish and last year potted up a few jars of Strawberry, Ma’s favourites.

The Christmas pudding, cake and mince tarts are no longer part of her repertoire, I have taken up the mantle.  Occasions like Christmas and Easter create a fixation and confusion in her.  For weeks beforehand she wants to cook the Good Friday fish or buy the Christmas ham.  It prays on her mind, nibbling away at her psyche until finally I give up.

The Mother’s Day and birthday cards I have given her over the years were from a daughter paying homage to a mother, supporter and best friend.  Every card I used to give her would reduce her to tears.  It was always my mission to find the card I knew would make her cry. Over the last couple of years, I’ve struggled to find a card to express our changed relationship.  I can’t bring myself to buy the cards of old.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love my Ma to the moon and back, it’s just that things have now changed, she is different from the Ma I used to know

I’m now more like the mother than the daughter.  I now take responsibility for her health and well being.  I now take her everywhere she needs to go.  I now spend nearly every waking hour with her.  So yes, I don’t feel like I can give those cards any more.  I’m sad for the mother I’ve lost.

But I’ve also found another Ma.  Over the years whenever I’ve asked Ma if she wanted to go out, 9 times out of 10 she would say no.  Now Ma will nearly always go out with me.  She is more outgoing.  She asked me for purple highlights (we’re talking bright purple) before Christmas and has been rocking them ever since.

My Ma has never been very demonstrative.  She hugged me the other day of her own accord for the first time I can remember.  I was blown away.  She now uses a term of endearment to address me… she has never done that.  (Not sure whether it’s because she can’t remember my name or?)  Anyway I’m basking in the glow.

While I’ve lost the Ma I knew, the new Ma is just as loveable albeit different.  So this year the Mother’s Day card will be different from previous years and as always I will try and pick the card that makes her cry.

During the month of April I am running/walking to raise funds for Alzheimer’s Australia. If you would to support me please go to my fundraising page.

Memories of dementia

During the past 12 months I’ve learnt more about dementia than I ever wanted to.  Ma’s deterioration has led me to research and learn as much about this syndrome as possible.  After being seen by several Geriatricians, Ma is still undiagnosed.  Yet, her doctor and I remain convinced she has dementia, probably Lewy Bodies.  When I think back through my childhood I now realise the friends of Dad’s that were ‘acting funny’ had dementia.

As a kid growing up with older parents, Ma was 40 when she had me and Dad was 50, I was always worried my parents would die earlier than other ‘normal’ kids (ie kids with younger parents).  My parents like to tell the story of the day they found me crying my heart out in my room.  When they asked me why I was crying, I responded, “you’re going to die soon”.  Such was my worry of having older parents.

My parents were very active socially, Dad belonging to Rotary and Ma to Innerwheel.  They were always entertaining or going out to different functions.  In this way my sister and I were exposed to a variety of people from a very early age.

There was a man that was fixated on Dad and would visit him at every opportunity, presenting him with various gifts.  Dad’s best friend, who was a very highly strung man, one day visited and was convinced that he’d just disembarked from a warship and that Ma and I were there to greet him.

I will always remember a good friend of Dad and Ma’s visiting after she’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  She was my first real introduction to the disease.  She sat in a chair and tried to carry out a conversation.  She would become stuck for words and then shake her head and say, ‘no, no’.  It broke your heart to realise that she knew what was happening to her.  She knew that she would soon forget who she was.

It was about this time that the media reported a connection between Alzheimer’s and aluminium saucepans.  Being quite young, I was terrified I was going to catch it, as we had aluminium saucepans!  It was probably not long after that that it was reported that white bread caused cancer…

I look back at my Dad in his later years and I know now that he had dementia.  Most probably Alzheimer’s (the most common type of dementia).  He would ask the same question over and over.  He would sit and fiddle and dismantle transistor radios until they wouldn’t work.  He could no longer write the newsletter for his Probus Club and he could no longer give an ‘off the cuff’ speech at the drop of a hat (he found this out the hard way when he got up to give a speech and became very muddled).  His driving was appalling and he couldn’t pass the test to get his licence renewed.  That broke him.  They were his legs and they were taken away from him.

I remember being impatient with him for his constant questions. I remember Ma yelling at him for leaving soiled pants in various places in the bedroom as well as other things. I remember helping him clean up after soiling himself as he didn’t want to tell Ma. I only told her after he’d passed away.  I showered him in his undies when he was too impatient to wait for the carer to come and shower him. Things that would have appalled him if he was himself.  My aunt and uncle wanted Ma to place him into care, Ma refused to do so.

I took him to the ballet as he once took me.  He became more affectionate and spoke of how proud he was of me.  The last Christmas he had with us he became very upset with the noise and confusion a big family Christmas can bring.  Ma promised him that that would be the last Christmas and he was happy.  He had bought Ma and I perfume but had addressed both gift tags to Ma.  It’s funny that throughout all of these signs, I just remained oblivious in my own little world.  He dropped dead suddenly from a heart attack on 5 January.  Looking back, I’m glad he went that way.  We were spared the agony of losing him twice and of making decisions on his care.

My awareness has only awoken due to Ma’s deteriorating condition.  The search for answers to Ma’s behaviours has led me to become more aware.  As I’ve learnt more about dementia I’ve wanted to raise awareness.  I want more support for sufferers and their carers.  I want people to stop turning their back on people who suffer with dementia.  And more than anything else, I want a cure for dementia.

People don’t want to talk about dementia.  It’s too scary.  Fundraising for different cancers achieve more funds than dementia yet dementia numbers will increase as the population ages (the risk of dementia increases over the age of 65). Dementia is the second largest killer of Australians, surely that’s enough reason to find a cure.

I am currently raising funds for Alzheimer’s Australia for the month of April who provide support services, education and information about dementia.  If you would like to support me, go to: Memory Walk.


When day is night and night is day

Night times are turning ‘interesting’ in our house.  I have noticed for a while now that Ma is finding it difficult to tell night from day.  Daylight saving just adds to the confusion as it’s so dark in the morning and so light in the evening.  A nap in the afternoon just makes her think it’s now morning and time for breakfast.  Each night it’s different.  Some nights she’ll sit up all night on the side of the bed.  She won’t tell me why, she just says that she feels more comfortable.  I’ll walk in to find her slumped backwards or sideways or even with her head in her lap.  Other nights she’ll sleep through other than toilet stops.  From what I’ve read and from what I’ve been told, it’s more than likely that Ma is experiencing what is called Sundown Syndrome or Sundowning.

Sundowning or Sundown Syndrome is when people with dementia become more confused, restless or insecure late in the afternoon or early evening.  It can be worse with triggers such as a move or a change in their routine.  People suffering from sundowning can become demanding, restless, upset, and suspicious, disoriented and even hallucinate, especially at night.  Attention span and concentration can become even more limited.

Nobody knows what causes sundowning, although it seems to result from changes that are occurring in the brain due to dementia.  People with dementia tire more easily and can become more restless and difficult to manage when tired.

Sundowning may relate to lack of sensory stimulation after dark.  At night, there are fewer cues in the environment, with the dim lights and absence of noises from routine daytime activity.  Ma’s perception of night and day has really diminished.  At 2am in the morning she will think it’s time to get up even though it’s pitch black outside.  Lately she has wandered down to my room crying.  She thinks she is alone in the house and wants reassurance that I’m still there.  (I really don’t know where else I’d be except home, but that’s the nature of the confusion).  She also says she’s cold (it has been very warm lately, even of a night.  I’ve been sleeping with only a sheet.  She wants a poncho on or her winter dressing gown.

As the dementia worsens and the sufferer understands less about what is happening around them, they may become more frantic in trying to restore their sense of familiarity or security.  It is said that the person becomes more anxious about ‘going home’ or ‘finding mother’ late in the day which may indicate a need for security and protection.  They may be trying to find an environment that is familiar to them, particularly a place that was familiar to them at an earlier time in their life.  Ma at her worst, will talk about going to the ‘other house’ which is exactly the same as ours but somewhere else…. But she doesn’t know where.  She is always convinced there are other people living in the house with us. I always show her the locks on the windows and doors and tell her about them.

A person experiencing sundowning, may be hungry, uncomfortable, in pain or needing to use the toilet, all of which they can only express through restlessness.  Factors or triggers, as I like to call them, that can have an impact on behaviour when the sun goes down include:

  • Fatigue – Ma just doesn’t sleep very well and tends to drop off during the day sitting up. This can go on for days until finally she is so exhausted she sleeps.
  • Hunger – I’ve yet to find this a problem with Ma. She likes her food.
  • Infection – such as a urinary tract infection. A sudden change in behaviour could indicate there is an infection.  In my experience the regular symptoms of a urinary tract infection ie. regular need to urinate, temperature and burning when urinating don’t apply to Ma, her confusion just increases dramatically.  She will get her possessions and pack up her wheeled walker and go off around the house.
  • Pain – There are many causes of pain such as shingles, neuralgia etc. Pain can get progressively worse through the day. Ma suffers from chronic pain due to arthritis.  After years of taking very strong pain killers (opiates) her system can no longer handle them due to her fragile state.  Since decreasing her pain medications and starting her back on an anti-inflammatories her pain seems to be back under control without the heightened confusion. She also takes Curcumin with black pepper, a natural anti-inflammatory suggested by her urologist.
  • Medication – Consider whether restlessness is due to medication eg medication may be causing ‘restless’ legs or cramps; diuretics may be causing incontinence, some medications may cause agitation.
  • Constipation and/or dehydration can significantly affect behaviour. This is certainly true in Ma’s case.  If she hasn’t emptied her bowels, her confusion increases.  I keep a strict eye on her bowel movements as she suffers chronic constipation and needs laxatives every day to keep on top of things.  She doesn’t like drinking either, except cappuccinos or brandy… Trying to get her to drink any other fluid is an uphill battle.  Again, her confusion increases when it’s a hot day and she won’t drink.  A glass of fluid (of the right sort) usually decreases her confusion.
  • Extreme temperatures such as a heat wave. Ma’s brain can’t seem to tell her when she is getting overheated.  She will sit in a jumper when it’s very hot with her body perspiring but she still doesn’t think she’s hot.  Her confusion will increase and it’s only when I get her cooled down that her confusion decreases.

Where to begin

Always discuss concerns about change in behaviour with their doctor, who will be able to check out whether there is a physical illness or discomfort present, and provide some advice.

Arrange for a thorough medical examination and discuss the person’s medications with the doctor. Sometimes changing the dosage or the time that medication is given can help relieve the symptoms. The doctor will also be able to advise if there may be undesirable side effects of medication.   Reducing some of Ma’s strong pain medications has led to a marked reduction in her confusion.

Suggestion that may help

  • Early afternoon rest – If fatigue is making the sundowning worse, an early afternoon rest might help. Keep the person active in the morning and encourage a rest after lunch.  Ma drops off to sleep sitting up during the day.  I try and keep her stimulated with activities but sometimes I don’t win.
  • Avoid physical restraint – Don’t physically restrain the person. Let them pace where they are safe. A walk outdoors can help reduce restlessness.  I hear Ma get up and listen to where she is going.  I always breathe a sigh of relief when it’s the toilet and I get up and help her.  It’s when she ‘travels’ further that I start to worry and try to find out where she is going.
  • Encourage comforting pastimes – Some people are comforted by soft toy animals, pets, hearing familiar tunes, or an opportunity to follow a favourite pastime. Nightlights or a radio playing softly may help the person sleep.  Ma finds great comfort in the cats.  The old boy, Colonel Gadarffi like to cuddle and smooch.  I sometimes go in to find her hands lying on him as she sleeps.  Ma likes to listen to the radio which is push button, so easy for her to operate.  She can’t work the television so if she wants to watch a program I turn it on and off for her.
  • Minimise noise and lights – Consider the effect of bright lights and noise from television and radios. Are these adding to the confusion and restlessness?  Ma has her bedside light on all night.  I also have a sensor light in the hall and keep the toilet light on all light so she can see where she is if she gets up.  My bedroom door is on the way so she wakes me up when she goes past.
  • Check for objects – clothing hanging on doors, doonas folded over, pillows doubled up, curtains and mirrors, can all be misconstrued.  Ma will think they are people and refuse to enter the room or sleep in the bed as she thinks there is somebody already there.
  • Avoid upsetting activities – Try not to arrange baths or showers for the late afternoon if these are upsetting activities. The exception may be the person who is calmed by a hot bath before bed.  Ma sometimes wants a PTA (which is a bit of a rude acronym for ‘girl bit’, bosom and armpits) rather than a shower.  Usually when she is really tired or she is feeling cold.
  • Consider medication – Some people may need medication. This will need to be discussed with the doctor.  Ma was on regular strong pain killers and Mogadon for many years.  Her confusion has decreased with the reduction of these drugs. We are reluctant to use any medication at this stage.
  • Stuffed toys, pets, familiar music or a favourite activity can help comfort and distract the person.  Ma has taken a liking to documentaries on television.  At the beginning of the week I read through the television guide and highlight what I think she will like.  This makes them easier to find.  I always send her stuffed cat with her when she goes into hospital or respite.  I also play her favourite music in the car on the way to appointments and in the house.  Dragging out the cook books and discussing recipes and what we are going to make goes a long way in distracting her.
  • Daylight saving seems to wreak havoc with Ma’s internal clock.  Because it is still quite dark at 6am and still light at 7pm she gets very confused.  She has told me she doesn’t like these 24 hour days!

A lot of the information I’ve placed on here is from the Alzheimer’s Australia website which has a lot of useful information.

For wonderful support and advice try the Memory People™ on Facebook.  It’s for patients, caregivers, advocates, family members and professionals, seeking comfort and understanding, and receiving support and helpful information.

Life of a carer

Time for a pity party!

You know when you’re just tired? Just tired to the bone so that you can’t think straight and your motivation just dries up? You sit there knowing there are things to do and yet you don’t do them.  You just want to curl up in a corner and not exist any more… well at least not for a few hours or days or?  The responsibility of somebody else’s life weighs heavy. Mothers and fathers will know this.

Life beckons… I used to travel, I used to be able to go out to dinner, I used to be able to go out for a few hours without worrying, I used to go to work 5 days a week.  When you become a carer these things disappear.  Your life revolves around bowel movements, dressing, showering, medications, incontinence, doctors appointments, wound dressing, mental stimulation, reassurance, and trying to grant their every wish and desire.

You love them so much it hurts yet resentment crawls in.  My life has disappeared and I’ve now become a satellite which revolves around my Ma making sure her every need is met. But I’m burning out.  I know this.  Every time I lose my cool because of something; I know this. I never saw myself as a bad person in the past but those days are gone.  Every time I yell at her, I really yell at the disease called dementia.  The thing that will ultimately take her away from me if some other health issue doesn’t take her away first.  Every day I see small changes which take her further away from me.

For the last few days she has been fixated on scones and talks about making them.  She then asks questions about the stove and how long it take to heat up etc. Today scones called too loudly to her and she went into the kitchen with the purpose of making some. Knowing she can’t turn the oven on, has forgotten where all of the utensils and ingredients are kept AND that she’s never been able to make a decent scone, I go into the kitchen with her and make them while she looks through a recipe book.  I didn’t know what else to do.  I didn’t want her to realise she didn’t know where anything was and how to turn the stove on.  So I just did it.  What else do you do?

Of all the changes, I think the spatial displacement thing is the worst.  Night and day don’t exist in her world as we know it.  At 2pm in the afternoon she is saying it’s night time and that she needs to get ready for bed.  She comments on how dark the night is.  I can’t convince her otherwise.  The other day she left her bedroom with her book on ‘Cyril’ (her wheeled walker) and I asked her where she was going.  She told me to her room and turned around and went back in to her bedroom.  She will lose her bedroom and the toilet. Yet find them other times.  If I take her out driving locally she will not remember many places even though she has lived in the area for over 50 years.

I can cope well with the physical stuff but the mental stuff is a real challenges.  One that I’m not coping with well.  Carer’s of dementia sufferer’s have a set of ‘rules’ that I read periodically.  I think I break most of them every day.  “don’t say they’re wrong”, “don’t say remember” blah, blah, blah.  I know these rules are supposed to make our life easier but unfortunately they just make me feel more guilty when I break them!

Caring for somebody with dementia is a day to day thing.  It’s like riding a roller coaster. On some days or hours, you may have sane moments and others… well and that’s just me!

Lessons learnt in respite care

As I’ve found out in the past, nursing homes are never going to deliver the same care that you do. Unfortunately this is something a caregiver has to accept, as hard as this is.  The reason why there is a couple of year’s gap between Ma’s stays in respite care is because of the bad experience she had the first time.  Hopefully with some preparation and preparedness your loved one’s stay in care will hopefully be uneventful.

These are some of the lessons I learnt and thing to be aware of from Ma’s couple of stays.

  • If you are going away while your loved one is in care make sure you allow a couple of days before going away to visit them and iron out any problems…
  • Make sure your loved one is having regular bowel movements. The staff assured me they logged (no pun intended) Ma’s bowel movements on computer.  Ma didn’t go for six days as they hadn’t written her up for a daily laxative even though I had informed them of her dosage and what she used.  Constipation can lead to confusion in the elderly so it’s important this is under control.
  • Make sure their teeth/dentures are being cleaned. I would usually wash Ma’s dentures when I visited her.  Ma said that the staff had only done this a couple of times (can’t prove or disapprove this because of Ma’s mental state) but she did came home with a sore mouth.
  • If they have an ulcer or any other medical condition that is usually seen to by a community nurse you will have to rely on nursing home staff to see it is dressed as you can’t access two services at the same time. Unfortunately on both occasions she’s been in care, her ulcer has suffered from not being adequately cared for.  Make sure you provide as much detail as possible on its care.  We had to provide her special silver dressing but wasn’t told this until the day she checked in.  Make sure you ask up front whether they require your loved one to supply their own dressings.  Take a photo of the ulcer so you have a comparison of how the wound is doing.
  • Ensure your loved one is being dried properly after their shower, especially under folds of skin. Ma suffers from chaffing under her breasts and stomach.  I asked them to ensure this was done and provided a zinc and castor oil cream to treat any sores.  When I got her home, I found red welts where they hadn’t dried her properly or used the cream.
  • Make sure they are getting their proper medications. Going into care you have to use the doctor the nursing home has.  This doctor may have a different idea on whether your loved one should be on the same medications.  Ma ended up having her pain medication cut by the doctor at the nursing home as he thought he knew better.  She spent a miserable time in pain.  If you don’t think they are getting the right medications ask to see the list and speak to the assigned doctor if you aren’t happy.
  • Make sure you keep copies of all the paperwork including the application form.
  • Make a list of questions you want to ask:
    • What does your loved one need to bring?
    • What does the nursing home provide eg. incontinence pads, dressings for wounds, Panadol (I must admit that I ended up giving Ma her own to take when she wanted as she wasn’t getting pain relief)
    • Can they bring alcohol (Ma so loves a brandy)?
  • Have a look in the room they will be staying in. Are there mirrors that could cause a problem, depending on their mental state?  Ma still wonders how the lady is going she shared the room with…
  • What can you bring to make your loved ones stay a bit more comfortable? Ma had her big numbered clock, pictures of her kitties and her kitty calendar (sigh, I didn’t get a look in) as well as books, magazines, and munchies (the food wasn’t very nice) AND of course her brandy.
  • I’m sure there are plenty of other considerations that I haven’t thought of… feel free to add.