Lessons learnt in respite care

As I’ve found out in the past, nursing homes are never going to deliver the same care that you do. Unfortunately this is something a caregiver has to accept, as hard as this is.  The reason why there is a couple of year’s gap between Ma’s stays in respite care is because of the bad experience she had the first time.  Hopefully with some preparation and preparedness your loved one’s stay in care will hopefully be uneventful.

These are some of the lessons I learnt and thing to be aware of from Ma’s couple of stays.

  • If you are going away while your loved one is in care make sure you allow a couple of days before going away to visit them and iron out any problems…
  • Make sure your loved one is having regular bowel movements. The staff assured me they logged (no pun intended) Ma’s bowel movements on computer.  Ma didn’t go for six days as they hadn’t written her up for a daily laxative even though I had informed them of her dosage and what she used.  Constipation can lead to confusion in the elderly so it’s important this is under control.
  • Make sure their teeth/dentures are being cleaned. I would usually wash Ma’s dentures when I visited her.  Ma said that the staff had only done this a couple of times (can’t prove or disapprove this because of Ma’s mental state) but she did came home with a sore mouth.
  • If they have an ulcer or any other medical condition that is usually seen to by a community nurse you will have to rely on nursing home staff to see it is dressed as you can’t access two services at the same time. Unfortunately on both occasions she’s been in care, her ulcer has suffered from not being adequately cared for.  Make sure you provide as much detail as possible on its care.  We had to provide her special silver dressing but wasn’t told this until the day she checked in.  Make sure you ask up front whether they require your loved one to supply their own dressings.  Take a photo of the ulcer so you have a comparison of how the wound is doing.
  • Ensure your loved one is being dried properly after their shower, especially under folds of skin. Ma suffers from chaffing under her breasts and stomach.  I asked them to ensure this was done and provided a zinc and castor oil cream to treat any sores.  When I got her home, I found red welts where they hadn’t dried her properly or used the cream.
  • Make sure they are getting their proper medications. Going into care you have to use the doctor the nursing home has.  This doctor may have a different idea on whether your loved one should be on the same medications.  Ma ended up having her pain medication cut by the doctor at the nursing home as he thought he knew better.  She spent a miserable time in pain.  If you don’t think they are getting the right medications ask to see the list and speak to the assigned doctor if you aren’t happy.
  • Make sure you keep copies of all the paperwork including the application form.
  • Make a list of questions you want to ask:
    • What does your loved one need to bring?
    • What does the nursing home provide eg. incontinence pads, dressings for wounds, Panadol (I must admit that I ended up giving Ma her own to take when she wanted as she wasn’t getting pain relief)
    • Can they bring alcohol (Ma so loves a brandy)?
  • Have a look in the room they will be staying in. Are there mirrors that could cause a problem, depending on their mental state?  Ma still wonders how the lady is going she shared the room with…
  • What can you bring to make your loved ones stay a bit more comfortable? Ma had her big numbered clock, pictures of her kitties and her kitty calendar (sigh, I didn’t get a look in) as well as books, magazines, and munchies (the food wasn’t very nice) AND of course her brandy.
  • I’m sure there are plenty of other considerations that I haven’t thought of… feel free to add.
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